Father's Day
by likemycoffee
Summary: On Father's Day, Ianto visits his Tad to make peace. Angst ahoy. Minor spoilers for COE. Jack/Ianto.


'Hey Tad,' Ianto said softly looking down at the white gravestone that marked his father's final resting place. 'I bet you didn't expect to see me here today did you?'

He sighed softly before continuing. 'To be honest I wasn't going to come, but... well... these are for you.'

Leaning down he placed the small bunch of flowers in the vase beside the gravestone before standing up and continuing. 'Those other ones are nice. Rhiannon's are they? Yeah. ... She doesn't know that I've come, Tad. I didn't want her making a big deal about it you know? You know what she's like... well no. Maybe you don't actually. To be honest – I wanted it to be just me and you. There's stuff that we need to talk about.

'It was Jack's idea this. I wasn't going to tell you about Jack, Tad. I don't know why. It's not like you can do anything to me now is it? But anyway – I wasn't going to tell you. Jack's my boyfriend Tad. There I said it. He's my boyfriend and I'm in love with him.

'And I'm not gay. I'm not just saying that because I'm hiding the truth; because I know you don't approve. If I was gay then I'd shout it from the rooftops but I'm not. I'm not gay; I'm not straight either – it's just Jack. It's only Jack.

'Anyway, that's not what this is all about Tad is it? I just wanted you to know that it's because of Jack that I'm here...'

Ianto trailed off and buried his face in his hands wiping away a tear. 'And now I'm here I don't have a clue what to say to you.

'Why were you so ashamed of me Tad? I always felt second best, all my life. Rhiannon was your little princess. She could do absolutely nothing wrong could she? But me – I know you were ashamed of me.

'You never actually said it but I always knew. I could feel it. Remember the day when I came home from school with split lip because Gareth Williams and his mates had waited for me by the school gates? I remember. You patched me up just fine but there was this look in your eyes – like you were disgusted that I'd let them beat me up. There were three of them Tad. What was I supposed to do?

'"Just make sure you get the first punch in next time" that was what you told me.

'Sometimes I felt like you hated me Tad. Nothing that I ever did was good enough for you. I wasn't strong enough; I wasn't fast enough; I wasn't clever enough. I know you thought I should've gone to Oxford – like that was ever going to happen. You always knew I was rubbish at exams Tad. My school reports always told you. Loads of kids are rubbish at exams but that didn't matter to you. It was just another thing that I'd failed at wasn't it? Another way that I'd brought shame on the Jones family name.

'You broke my leg. I know you didn't mean to. I do know that you didn't mean to. But it still happened, Tad. You took me to hospital and you told me not to cry. If it had been Rhiannon she would've had hugs and kisses but me you just told me "don't cry. Be a man, son."

'I tried to be a man, Tad. I really did. I still do. Jack – I know it frustrates him terribly. He's really open you see and I'm so closed off. I know it confuses him sometimes. He doesn't know what to do, but I can't be any different. I've spent so long hiding who I really am because I didn't want you to be ashamed of me.

'That's why I got in with Kevin Lloyd I suppose. I thought if I hung around with a bigger, tougher kid then it might rub off; that it might make me stronger, more like the son you always wanted to have. It didn't work though did it? All I ended up with was a shoplifting conviction. It was in the local paper and... we never talked after that. That's how it felt. We lived in the same house but we never talked to each other did we? We'd speak but we didn't talk...

'I'm sorry Tad. I am sorry.

'Why did you have to die before I could tell you I was sorry? I was still just a kid. I needed you and then you died. You just died and left us and I couldn't ever tell you that I was sorry for all the things that I did wrong.

'It took me a long time to be able to say this Tad but I hated you. I did. I was angry with you for a long time. When you died I just left. I went to London; I practically lost touch with Rhiannon. I think she thought I was angry with her but I wasn't. I was angry with myself. I was too stubborn. I could've fixed things between us but I never did and then I'd lost my chance.

'That's what I told Jack, Tad and he told me that I hadn't lost my chance, that I could tell you how I felt and he was right wasn't he? He usually is but don't tell him that. I don't want him to get big headed.

'I forgive you Tad. I don't hate you anymore. I wish you were still here but you're not. I love you. '

Ianto turned away from the gravestone and glanced over his shoulder. He could see Jack standing a little way off, close enough to offer support, but far enough away to make sure he didn't hear the private words spoken by Ianto. They were for another man's ears alone.

When he saw Ianto move however, Jack began to walk towards his younger lover at a quick pace and pulled Ianto into his arms, holding him close.

'I'm ok Jack,' Ianto said a few moments later. 'Can you take me home?'

'Of course sweetheart,' Jack replied and keeping his one arm wrapped around Ianto's shoulders he led him away towards the SUV.

'Are you ok?' Jack asked as Ianto settled into the passenger seat and cast a wistful glance back in the direction of the cemetery.

'Yeah,' Ianto replied turning to smile at Jack. 'I think we've made peace now.'


End file.
